When we were younger our parents attempted to shield and protect us from situations that could harm us. They often hovered over us until we completed tasks or reminded us over and over again until it was accomplished. As we get older and our parents, aunts, uncles or loved-ones age; the roles are now reversed within society. The difference is that we are unable to provide the same approach to our parents when we are concerned for their health and well-being.
It is our personal job to ensure their safety and we now have become their guardians, literally. As a parent, you never want to be a burden or admit that you need help or assistance especially to your own children. Many people will contact a third party facility for assistance than burden their children with their worries or concerns. I bet you are wondering how can we break this cycle? How can I effectively communicate with my parents that I am their biggest advocate, supporter and I want to be their go to person?
Being a Senior Paralegal for a skilled elder law attorney Arlington TX trusts, I have the pleasure of getting to sit in with clients and have first hand knowledge of having these difficult conversations with our clients. I get to assist with strategizing finances, planning for retirement, Medicaid, VA Benefits, Wills, Trusts and Life Planning Document Preparation, Probate and Estates, Guardianships and Social Security Disability.
I also get to be an advocate or voice for our clients when it comes to Elder Law, which is another section of Law that our Firm provides. Elder Law consists of many different varieties of things such as demands for payment of loans, disputing Power of Attorneys or Medical Power of Attorneys due to mental capacity issues.
In dealing with these types of law, I have had numerous years of experience in discussing the most difficult of topics. I have come to find that the best remedy with starting these types of conversations is to simply be honest, open and direct. A listening ear and closed mouth at first often allows you to discover the most important first steps…. Being heard. Taking the time to sit down with your loved ones and truly listen to their wishes is the biggest part in gaining trust and understanding of the situation. At some point, when dealing with Dementia or Alzheimer’s of course you are not able to do as they so may direct you; however hopefully by the time they are diagnosed you’ve already come up with a strategy as to financial planning and healthcare needs.
All of these areas of law have one thing in common; no one wants to plan for the inevitable. No one likes to discuss death or growing old. When is the last time you sat down for dinner with the family and discussed burial plots or your last wishes? I believe the consensus would be unanimously across the board with a huge slim to none chance. Even in the line of work that I am in, I have brought up some of the most awkward topics of conversation at the most inopportune times with family members and the expressions or reactions still amaze me. For example, I will be driving down the road and turn to my spouse and state “I want lilies and white roses at my funeral!” The usual response is, “What is wrong with you, don’t say that?” I have rambled off so many different ideas’ that of course no one is going to remember them all, so I have literally compiled a list of all my wishes down to the music, poems, colors of my attire, photos and even my fragrance I wish to wear. Does this make me crazy?
We grow up planning for graduations, weddings, birthdays, vacation trips, purchasing our homes and some even have the whole Retirement thing accomplished. Yet as a society we do not want to discuss these difficult topics let alone sit down and plan for them. I have always had a motto of you can either be prepared for your future or your future will consume you. In dealing with Wills, Trusts and life Planning Documents I get to gather information to pass down to their loved ones once they are gone. I get to have that difficult talk when a clients son or daughter contact us to inform us of their passing and need direction as to where to go from here. When dealing with Probate and Estates, they often come back to our Firm to Probate the Will or Administer their Trusts and in doing so I get the pleasure of letting them know what we discussed at their meetings. I personally encourage our clients to write a little note to their loved ones, or tell me a joke that they would want me to share with them. A phrase that every member of the family knows them infamous for making or a memory that they want me to share with their family.
Often the saddest part of sharing these things is that a lot of the time in discussing their loved ones lives, I have had numerous clients tell me that they did not know these things about their loved ones lives. A common response is that, “They simply would not open up to me about these topics”. All you simply have to do is to stop and take the time to listen to them. Do not be afraid to ask questions or even show interest in planning for their futures. With all the technology nowadays and society being so fast paced we often forget to stop and have an actual conversation.
Thanks to our friends and contributors from Brandy Austin Law Firm for their insight into nursing home malpractice litigation.